


when love became an act of defiance

by sweetheartbitterheart



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Baby gay shenanigans, F/F, Hair Kink, Love at First Sight, Mutual Pining, Porn with Feelings, Possessive Behavior, Pre-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-19
Updated: 2020-07-19
Packaged: 2021-03-04 21:20:20
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,617
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25373029
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sweetheartbitterheart/pseuds/sweetheartbitterheart
Summary: Catelyn Tully is gorgeous and gracious, a true proper lady, and Cersei loathes her.Cersei is sent to foster in Riverrun and it leads to some revelations and feelings between her and Catelyn
Relationships: Cersei Lannister/Catelyn Tully Stark
Comments: 10
Kudos: 78





	when love became an act of defiance

**Author's Note:**

> i've always wanted to write Cat/Cersei and finally felt some inspiration to actually do it
> 
> thank you to [TerribleAndRed](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TerribleAndRed/pseuds/TerribleAndRed) for your incredible input/edits and encouragement ❤️
> 
> title from June by Florence and the Machine

Catelyn Tully is gorgeous and gracious, a true proper lady, and Cersei loathes her.

It's Cersei's own fault for being shuffled along to foster in Riverrun with the Tullys. There had already been one too many times sneaking away to steal a sword from the armory so she could practice technique, but the last straw had been being caught wearing Jaime's breeches in an attempt to fool Lord Tywin again. While Jaime had been reprimanded mildly, Cersei was scolded ferociously in a manner that was usually saved for Tyrion.

So her father deemed it necessary for Cersei to foster in Riverrun and learn from Lord Tully's eldest daughter, who has been the Lady of Riverrun for many years since the passing of her own mother. Cersei knows she is also being sent to Riverrun because her father has it in his head to broker a marriage between Jaime and one of the Tully girls. A truly laughable notion if Cersei's ever heard one.

Cersei is greeted with all the pomp and circumstance as per her station upon her arrival in Riverrun but it is Catelyn Tully's seemingly genuine warm smile that causes a thrill to run through her entire body. Cersei scantly pays mind to Lord Tully's middle child Lysa or his youngest Edmure, and definitely doesn't even acknowledge the lowborn Petyr Baelish, a mutual foster of the Tullys.

As beautiful as she is suspicious, Cersei studies Catelyn intensely to see if her warmth is truly genuine or the auburn haired girl is just a convincing liar. Cersei isn't sure which she'd prefer. No girl so perfect in courtesies, so acquiescent to feminine duty can possibly be trusted. 

"We are honored and excited to have you here at Riverrun," Catelyn tells her.

The kindness in her face cuts into Cersei like a knife. How peculiar.

-

After initially being unable to stand the sight of Catelyn, both because she's just too annoyingly perfect and because of the queer feelings seeing Catelyn stirs within her, weeks pass and Cersei keeps finding herself impressed and surprised by Catelyn Tully. Cersei has always been under the impression most ladylike women who accept their station as wives-in-training are simpering fools but Catelyn appears to be the exception. The Riverland girl runs the Riverrun household with efficiency, almost like a soldier commanding a calvary. Cersei can tell there is real pride and joy in the way she runs things, and art to this woman's work.

They have lessons together most mornings and Cersei shadows Catelyn's running of the castle in the afternoons. It had taken Cersei a little time to find a rhythm here, so used to her habits with Jaime, and she felt unsettled to suddenly to be placed somewhere so far from home, with someone strange and beautiful… yes, Jaime was beautiful, but Catelyn was beautiful in a way that always drew Cersei's gaze. Her big blue eyes shone, and her long auburn hair tumbled in waves so long she could just barely sit upon her own hair. Whenever Cersei noticed that this was about to happen, she felt tempted to pull Catelyn's hair out from underneath her seat so it wouldn't hurt when she sat on it. Yet Cersei refrained, and, if she was honest with herself, took pleasure in hearing the small yelp Catelyn always let out whenever she sat upon her auburn tresses. 

The evenings were usually time for Cersei to be alone, wandering around the castle, noticing that while Riverrun was a fine castle it was nowhere near as grand as the Rock. Cersei took pride in that fact. Only a few nights after she first arrived, she happened upon Catelyn in the courtyard.

The redheaded girl smiles at her. Her hair is tied in a loose braid hanging around her shoulder and falling past her waist. "Oh, Cersei! I was looking for my maid. She was going to let me try a new plait style. Lysa's gotten so tired of me trying them on her," she says.

Catelyn absentmindedly tugs on her own braid and Cersei becomes a little transfixed on its movement.

Cersei isn't sure what possesses her to speak next but maybe she could learn more about this seemingly perfect lady her father seems convinced she must emulate. "Well, I'm here. And I have hair, too. Finer than Lysa's," she says, tossing the loose blonde curls that fall to the bottom of her back around her chest and stroking, noticing Catelyn's eyes follow the movement of her hands as they caress her golden tresses. "I'm sure my hair could be of some use," she tells her, as she continues to stroke it.

Catelyn smiles at her, a sweet, open expression that makes Cersei's heart swell in her chest.

In a few moments, Cersei finds herself in Catelyn's bed chambers and sitting on the edge of her bed. Catelyn settles behind her and Cersei holds her breath for one brief moment before letting go. She is pleasantly unsettled by the sheer closeness of the other girl.

"I'll be gentle, I promise," assures Catelyn, her hands beginning to comb through Cersei's hair from the ends, twining her fingers around the gold curls that hit the bottom of her back. Catelyn is right, she is very gentle with the way her fingers brush Cersei's golden strands, slowly moving from the ends to the roots, even when her nails tenderly scrape her scalp. Cersei shivers. The closer Catelyn's fingers creep to her scalp, the more her whole body tingles.

Catelyn takes her time brushing and playing with Cersei's hair. Every so often she comments on how soft it is, how beautiful the color is, how bored she has gotten of looking at Lysa's and her own red hair. Cersei practically preens at the praise, her heart galloping giddily.

"Your hair is beautiful too," Cersei tells her truthfully. It is a gorgeous color, a warm deep red, and the way it frames Catelyn's face is lovely. Cersei also notes that together their hair colors match House Lannister colors.

Carefully, Catelyn separates some of Cersei's hair into different sections and starts crossing the sections over one another. Cersei melts into the touch and lets herself to forget her worries, about being perfect, about the unbearable weight of disappointing her father. She allows her mind to drift so that her body can just be in the moment.

Before long, but maybe not long enough, the soothing touch of Catelyn's fingers slows and then stops altogether. Cersei can no longer feel the true weight of her hair as it is now braided into an intricate style.

"All done," Catelyn says. She rests her hands on Cersei's shoulders for one second, and the finger that had last touched the crown of her head lingers at the spot behind Cersei's ear before pulling away. "Thank you for indulging me."

Cersei brushes her own fingers along the beautiful single braid. Catelyn did a wonderful job. She is watching Cersei as the Lannister takes in her new hairstyle, some doubt creeping into her lovely face. Cersei finds some pleasure in leaving the girl uncertain of her reaction.

"It was no hardship on my part," Cersei tells her, "I only had to be still." A smile spreading on her lips.

Catelyn chuckles, "And you did a far better job than Lysa ever has."

"Hmmm, your sister does seem a bit… _excitable_."

At that, Catelyn fully laughs. The tinkling sound warming Cersei's insides.

The two of them spend the rest of the evening talking. Dawn is almost breaking by the time Cersei sneaks back to her own chambers. She finds herself humming The Seasons of My Love the whole way there.

_I loved a maid as red as autumn with sunset in her hair._

-

They are practically inseparable after that night of unexpected intimacy. Cersei has never had a true friend before, besides Jaime, but they are twins, that is a unique closeness not so easily replicated. Catelyn is beginning to come close though. They spend all their evenings together from then on; reading, sneaking about the castle, Catelyn showing Cersei hiding places, and she even teaches Cersei some new braids, different than her usual Westerlands style. Catelyn's fingers on her hair feel electric.

One afternoon, they successfully evade Lysa and Petyr to take a swim in one of the rivers surrounding the castle. They've been splitting the time between swims to sunbathe as the summer begins.

Cersei's eye line is continually drawn to Catelyn's most feminine features, the swell of her breast, the slope of her waist, the way the end of her braided hair curves over her waist. A strange desire to kiss her pools in Cersei's stomach.

So entranced by the look of her companion in her damp chemise she doesn't hear Catelyn speaking to her. "Sorry, Cat, I didn't quite hear you," the simple nickname falls from her tongue. Only a second later does Cersei realize what she's called her.

A faint blush seems to appear on Catelyn's face, but it's possible it could just be from the sun. "It's no matter," she replies, her gaze flittering all over Cersei's face. She looks almost shy now.

"Cat," Cersei says brazenly.

The red haired girl tilts her head in questioning.

Cersei stalls for a moment, simply just watching Cat's expression, desire building bigger and bolder inside her. They are alone out on the riverbanks. If Cersei truly wanted she could lean forward a few inches and their lips would meet. It is a strange new want, but lately all Cersei's mind can focus on is Catelyn.

A strand of red hair has fallen loose from Catelyn's braid over her right eye. Cersei reaches forward and brushes it aside.

"Maybe we should head back, I worry the sun is getting to me," Cersei says, keeping her tone neutral. She doesn't want Cat to know of her strange new desires, not yet anyway. She wants to act on them, she wants a reaction, but she also wants to know how Catelyn could possibly react too. It's not an entirely new feeling for Cersei, who has always found a way to get everything she wants; the act of wanting but not taking, although this time it feels different.

That night Cersei dreamt she was ruling her own kingdom, sitting on a throne high above everyone. People were coming far and wide to swear fealty to her. A hand was clasped tightly between hers and she turned to see Catelyn sitting beside her. She was dressed in the finest gown and the crown she wore matched perfectly to Cersei's, both their loose hair falling in waves around them and complementing their crowns. It was the sweetest addition to her recurring dreams as a queen, Catelyn ruling beside her as her queen consort.

Cersei woke with an ache in her heart and between her legs.

-

Most nights Cersei falls asleep in Catelyn's room as they spend their evenings talking and sharing secrets in the dim candlelight. It is during one of these warm evenings when Cersei finds herself sharing a deep secret. She forgets what topic they had started on but the conversation had turned and Catelyn was asking her what she wants most.

"I want a sword. I want to fight with it like a knight does. I want to rule," she speaks clearly and directly to Cat's face, sees her blue eyes widen in surprise, "I do not want to be just some lord's wife."

There's still some surprise in Cat's face but no laughter, no judgement. 

"That's not what proper ladies do," says Cat. She looks pondering for a moment but then seems to settle something in her mind. "But I could see you with a sword," she adds softly, the tone in her voice implying she likes the image.

That familiar ache returns to Cersei's chest. If she had a sword, she could defend Catelyn from the unworthy men Lord Tully is pursuing for his daughter. If Cersei had been born a man, if her father accepted that she was the rightful Lannister heir, then she'd surely be the one taking Cat's hand in marriage.

Catelyn's eyes are still peering at Cersei, and in one swift moment she carefully grasps a hold of Cersei's hand and gives it a squeeze. It is support and solidarity all wrapped in one simple gesture.

They settle down in bed facing each other. Cersei watches as Cat sighs herself to sleep, and she traces her fingers down Cat's cheek before beginning to drift off herself.

-

If anything, divulging that secret to Catelyn only brings the two closer. Cat asks Cersei when she first wanted a sword and learned how to fight, who her favorite knights are, and Cersei is delighted to have someone so interested in her interests. Catelyn does not judge; while she does not seem to fully understand Cersei's wish to fight but is oddly supportive, nevertheless.

There are many shades to Catelyn Tully and Cersei is eager to learn them all.

-

Cersei is painfully aware of how infatuated that lowborn Petyr Baelish is with Catelyn, although it appears Cat herself is not. At least Lysa is aware of the way Petyr practically pants after Cat, no wonder the younger Tully is pouting half the time. How embarrassing to have something in common with that foolish girl.

The growing fascination and attachment Cersei is having towards Catelyn only makes her long for a sword, a dagger, any weapon to shield her from the insipid boy.

Cersei never knew if she'd come close to love, the real true love ladies feel for lords. But every moment with Cat just proves how wrong that belief was, and that ladies might not always yearn for a knight... perhaps instead, to be the knight rescuing a maiden. The way she feels for Cat is a raw passion slowly consuming her. If Cersei felt any less for the girl, she might've already acted on her lust, but it almost feels too big, too undiluted, for that. She knows she's only restraining herself because she loves Cat. Loves her so deeply that she's let fear and uncertainty slip into her heart.

While Cersei is in this body, she wants somebody to want, she wants somebody to love her. She wants desperately for it to be Catelyn.

-

Another day they spend swimming in the river and lying out in the sun, Cat's red hair damp and loose splayed across her back, a brilliant color in the sun. Cersei is leaning back against a tree while Cat lays out on a sheet that had brought along.

"You have a freckle on your ankle," Cat suddenly tells her, a laugh in her voice. She pokes on the spot where the aforementioned freckle is supposed to be, her auburn hair falling over her arm like a blanket covering it as she points.

Cersei reaches for her foot, brushing against Cat's fingers and hair, to peer at the freckle. Cersei chuckles when she sees it.

"We match," she comments, pointing out the small cluster of freckles climbing Catelyn's leg that Cersei can just make out. She carefully rests her hand on Cat's barely exposed leg, and it sets off a series of sparks coursing through her. Cersei wonders if Catelyn feels this as well.

Cersei wants to tell her; wants nothing more than to spend the rest of her life with the redhead by her side, wants to kiss Catelyn and run her fingers through Cat's hair, and press her down into the softest sheets and learn the map of her body like it was her own. Cersei _wants_. She wants with such force she feels it embedded into her bones.

Catelyn shifts slightly but she doesn't push Cersei's hand away and when Cersei begins to stroke her skin, she lets out a little sigh. That one little exhale allowing Cersei to stop restraining herself.

Her gaze is earnest. When she moves, she does so slowly, giving Catelyn the time to move away, to turn her head, to reject.

Catelyn doesn't move away.

She's not a very good kisser, clearly inexperienced. For some reason, Cersei finds it incredibly endearing.

Cersei smiles into the kiss. She feels oddly giddy for some reason, as her lips move against Cat's, gently trying to coax her into kissing her back.

It takes a while, but eventually she does. Still, it isn't one of the most skilled kisses Cersei's received, although she only has her childish kisses with the steward's daughter for reference. They've only been at this for about a minute now.

And yet somehow, Cersei has never felt more breathless. She feels almost lightheaded, a happy bubble bursting in her chest. Cat makes a faint noise into the kiss, and Cersei _burns_.

-

Everything shifted afterwards. Their world was changed into something sweeter. Every moment alone they spent touching and kissing. Each time growing bolder and bolder.

Cersei awaits Catelyn's arrival after ushering an upset Edmure back to his own bed chambers. The gods must be on their side because the young boy had come running into Cat's room before they'd gone further than holding one another. When the redhead slips back in the room, as soon as she's close enough, Cersei pounces. She grasps Cat's waist and pulls her forward so that she lies right in Cersei's lap.

Instantly her hands find their way into Cersei's golden locks, and she moans as Cat's nails scratch a little at her scalp. Cersei kisses her deeply, thrusting her tongue in, staking a claim. She presses her lips along Cat's jaw and neck, nibbling gently, desperately wanting to leave marks but she stops herself with effort. It is the only request Cat has made of her; to not leave any marks where someone might see. It hurts Cersei's pride because she is a Lannister, Catelyn should want to show off that she's loved and desired by her. But she understands. They are on a slippery slope, one wrong move and they'll both go tumbling down.

"Is the baby trout fast asleep?" Cersei asks once she pulls away from Catelyn's lips.

She rolls her eyes, "Yes."

"Good."

Cat laughs into Cersei's mouth when the blonde recaptures her in another searing kiss.

"Shall I rip this gown right off you or will you undo the laces yourself?" Cersei whispers against Cat's lips between kisses.

Another eye roll. "Who knew Lannisters could be so kind?" There's a quirk to Catelyn's pretty pink lips.

Cersei bites down hard on her neck causing Cat to yelp, then soothes the hurt with her tongue.

"Looks like I'm trapped in the lion's jaws."

Cersei groans, something feral rushing through her veins. Her grip on Catelyn's hips tightens. Yes, Cat is trapped in her jaws, trapped in her arms, snug and cherished and _all hers_.

When Cersei has Catelyn laid out bare on the bed, she takes a moment to bask in the smooth, soft skin and delicious curves of her lover. Cersei wants to sink her teeth into every part of her. Catelyn squirms a little under Cersei's intense gaze.

Cersei kisses all down from the hollow of Catelyn's throat to her breasts and then lets her lips linger on the apex of her thighs. She feels Cat shudder. It's a heady feeling to know she has this much impact on the other girl. She can feel the heat pouring out between her legs. Catelyn goes still, her thighs tensing up, when Cersei's tongue enters her. Cersei wants to learn her, to figure out what works and what doesn't. Cat isn't loud, but her breath catches on the things she likes, and so Cersei chases that, until Cat's hands tug hard on the roots of Cersei's hair.

Cersei's fingertips trace up and down Cat's sides as her mouth approaches Catelyn's opening. The feel and taste of her combined with Cat's sounds of pleasure only spur Cersei on, and she pulls on the ends of Cat's long hair to make her sigh deepen.

By the the time she's given Cat her third orgasm, the redhead sits up, steely determination in her blue eyes and says very seriously, "Now it's my turn."

-

Cersei is so beautiful, radiant gold made into flesh, and Catelyn could look at her forever.

Since the Lannister girl has come to Riverrun, Catelyn has learned a lot, plenty about herself too. She wants to be the sun for Cersei, and she almost hates herself for feeling that way, because she knows she has no right. Not when they both are surely soon to be promised to others. Not when she has to go back home.

But still, Cat cannot stop herself from falling into her arms, into her mouth. This love she feels is dizzying and thrilling and she only wants more of it.

Her Uncle Brynden has surely noticed something; he watches her and Cersei sometimes, smirking. When Catelyn has given him a curious look, he usually only winks. This is why he is the perfect person for her to ask this favor of.

Catelyn has a whole speech prepared but it is completely unnecessary. As soon as she mentions the item she needs, Uncle Brynden's smirk becomes a full smile. With a nod, he confirms he'll bring her what she requires and promises to keep quiet. She hugs him enthusiastically.

Not even a week later, he carefully hands her the item wrapped in a sheath. Catelyn holds it to her chest, beaming at her uncle.

"Careful, Little Cat," he tells her fondly.

It's hard for Catelyn not to race through the castle to find Cersei so she can give the girl her gift. But that is what the evenings are for. She's full of restless energy until she can be alone together.

-

Catelyn has been watching Cersei all day, even more so than she usually does. It leaves Cersei curious. She wants to tease her, wants her to make her do the full bell laugh she only does when she's especially amused, but Lysa and Petyr have been shadowing them most of the day. Cersei is using all the restrain she can muster as to not snap at them.

The rush of relief she feels when she and Cat are finally alone in her chambers is palpable. She peppers kisses all along Cat's face.

Gently, Catelyn pushes Cersei back, "I have something for you. I do hope you'll like it."

Cersei's arches one eyebrow. Catelyn pulls something out of her vanity; a small thing wrapped in velvet cloth. There's a faint pink color in her cheeks as she hands the item to Cersei, who stares at it curiously before pulling the cloth off.

"I know it's not a sword, but it's still sharp and could do some damage if wielded properly…" Catelyn comments, her voice trailing off near the end.

Cersei holds the hilt of the dagger in trembling hands. She looks from it back to Catelyn a few times in awe.

Catelyn, her clever Cat, has given her a gift so thoughtful, so precious that it leaves her heart full. It's a simple blade, not too large or ornate but distinctly sharp. There are several dark red jewels decorating the hilt of the dagger. It reminds Cersei of her Lannister lineage as well as Cat's hair.

Several minutes pass as Cersei holds the dagger with reverence, before putting it back in its velvet cloth. She places it on Catelyn's vanity and turns to face her.

Cersei wraps her arms around Cat, pulls her close to her chest, "I love it."

Cat releases a breath and holds Cersei's face in her hands to kiss her deeply.

With possible betrothals for both of them looming over their heads, this gift from Catelyn to Cersei feels like a declaration. In the only way she knew how, in a way they both would understand, Catelyn has made her feelings perfectly clear.

This hungry, heart-filled kiss pushes Cersei gently into silence like sliding underwater and blocking out all other noise from the outside world. Cat surrounded her now. Cat held her tight, so Cersei held tightly back. Wrapping their bodies around one another until they're unsure where one ends and the other begins.

Cersei guides Catelyn to the bed, shedding their clothes on the way. She spreads her pretty Cat out the way she likes. She presses fervent kisses all over Cat's body with occasional nips here and there just to hear the hitched breath it causes.

Catelyn moans as Cersei slides her finger all the way inside her, and gasps when she curls it. Her hips cant up to meet the blonde's gentle thrusting, and then Catelyn goes utterly still, as Cersei finds the place inside her that always makes Cat gasp so beautifully and lose all her composure.

"That's a good girl," Cersei rubs the spot gently, and Catelyn pulses against her again.

"Another? Please?" she pleads, her voice breathless.

Catelyn wails as two fingers enter her. Cersei's knuckles slid easily inside and then she finds that same spot, and she presses with both fingers.

Catelyn gasps louder this time and clutches at Cersei's wrist.

Cersei can feel Cat's orgasm building, from the way she's squeezing her fingers like a fist, her toes curling against her calves. Cersei began to rub her clit faster, and Cat sobs, open mouthed, humping into her hand. Cersei watches her face as she keeps rubbing, as she gets closer and closer, and then… she comes.

Catelyn whines as her hips rise off the bed. "Please, Cersei, mm… please." She whines as her legs instantly spread wide.

Cersei's hands go to Cat's thighs, caressing the soft flesh there as she stares up into blue hues. "Patience, my love, patience."

Cat whines as she pushes her hips forward. Her hands grip the sheets as she squeezes her eyes shut.

Cersei softly places kisses up one thigh, and then the other.

Catelyn whines with each touch of Cersei's lips. Each caress, each kiss, the soft, little nips from her teeth only add to the arousal in the pit of her stomach. She bites her lip hard when she goes to beg again.

Cat strokes her golden hair like it's soothing her, enjoying feeling her curls wind through her fingers. She's wet, she's slick, and Cersei can't help the hot curl of pride in her chest. She did that to her, and she knows Cat can feel her satisfied smile as Cersei presses her mouth to her.

"Oh." It's the smallest of gasps, but Cersei drinks it up. She's careful, steady with the strokes of her tongue.

Cersei has to press her hands into her thighs to keep her still as she twists her tongue into her and Cat makes a noise halfway between surprise and pleasure. Cersei presses in more firmly. Every time Cersei presses the flat of her tongue against her clit, drags it slowly, Cat shakes ferociously.

Catelyn gives a sharp whine and floods her mouth, her pale legs shaking and her hand going slack in Cersei's hair.

Cersei licks her clean and kisses up her thighs.

Cat holds Cersei's face in her hands, strokes her warm cheeks with her thumbs and Cersei feels dizzy with love.

"I love you."

"I know, and I love you."

"I do not want us to be apart."

"We won't."

Catelyn opens her mouth to protest but Cersei is quicker. She kisses Cat deeply, carnivorously, licks and bites into her mouth as if she is going to devour her whole.

They won't be parted. They won't. Cersei is a lioness of the Rock, they bow to no one, she has taken what is hers and will not be swayed.


End file.
